Men Who Take Baths

Dylan Rekert

Vancouver, 2017
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The worst thing you can do is raise an asshole.

Why did you say yes to doing this?

I’m in that space where I’m open to other perspectives and being part of that conversation. It’s not about shouting or having a solution or even an answer, it’s being part of the brainstorming of what could become of gender, equality, or whatever you choose to label it as. It’s exciting to play a part. It’s going to take everyone talking about it. 

I think it’s also hard to be open. There’s insecurity that comes from openness. I know where I stand morally, but I don’t have it all figured out, and the insecurity of not having it all figured out leaves you vulnerable to offending some group or person in some way. I’m not trying to do that. It’s a very interesting time but I can’t shout it out right now. It’s also exciting to think that as awkward as this conversation is right now, we’ll look back and be like 'remember how crazy 2017 was?'

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Even the answer I’m giving you right now is different than the one I thought the last time I asked myself the question! 

Where does masculinity fit in a "future is female" world?

I think right off the bat, masculinity isn’t really a word I consider unless I’m looking at a colour palette at work. It’s not something I’ve ever really attributed to sexes.

It’s hard for me when there is something that people are so passionate about and I don’t fully grasp it. Even coming here, I looked over the questions beforehand and every time I asked myself one of the questions, I had a different answer. Even the answer I’m giving you right now is different than the one I thought the last time I asked myself the question!

It’s hard to really know what my place is. I’m open to supporting and having an open mind, and that being my contribution. All of my friends are having children right now and it’s like ‘oh what if this happens,’ and they start getting all stressed. Something I constantly tell them is that the worst thing you can do is raise an asshole. Just be a good person. We are all going to have different perspectives and opinions, but be open.

Have you listened to that podcast ‘Conversations With People That Hate Me?’

No

You should. You’d like it. He has conversations with people in situations that would be considered taboo...kind of like this. The theme is that people really don’t have any exposure before they cast judgments.

I see the power in these kinds of things that are so in your face because I see why it’s happening, I just don’t know what I can do without offending or overstepping my bounds or accidentally avoiding one side of the story. 

I meet a lot of men who feel the same way. They’re not sure how to fit in because they feel kind of like they are the bad guys. I think that’s an easy, uneducated opinion to make, especially when you’re not invested in it. Even if I was very involved in female rights on an activism level throughout my life, it’s all fairly new to me and I’m trying to figure it out the best way I can and be supportive in the best way I can. I still don’t have a clear definition of what that is or what that will become. I know that was long and sidetracked, but what I’m saying is that we’re all just trying to figure it out.

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How can women involve men in this conversation?

It’s things like this or Babe Rally. It’s not that I was ignoring the issue of sexual assault before, I was just totally blind to it. It’s a personal issue that some people aren’t wanting to share. It’s one of those things you hear about people having and then you don’t really understand it until it happens to you, and not that inequality or sexual harassment needs to happen to you, but it completely gives you a different perspective on things. It doesn’t necessarily leave you feeling foolish but it does leave you more open to understanding that things happen to people that aren’t fair or that hurt them, and we all can take more responsibility in how we grow from that and get to that next stage. 

I’ve had a suicide in my family, I’ve had cancer in my family, I’ve had experiences that helped shaped who I am as I go along. I think as a creative person, I want to be the one poking holes in things because if I don’t then everyone’s just going to be like it’s great, it’s great, it’s great, approved! You need people to poke holes in things so you can have a real conversation and hopefully, it comes out better in the next version. 

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